The Date Speaks For Itself

I wrote on FaceBook about my memories of this day.  The horror, the fear, the utter disbelief that something like that could really happen in the U.S., the sorrow for all the people that died and their loved ones left behind to pick up the pieces. 
What happened within the sphere of my own little world was eclipsed by this immense catastrophe and abomination.
What I know now is that September 11, 2001 was the beginning of the end and my life would be changed forever.
Things happened during my drive home from Herndon, VA, which began that very day due to my United flight being grounded, that would drive a wedge between my husband, Ray and myself. A rent in the fabric that bound us together that would never be repaired and my marriage would end less than two years later.

I sit now in front of my computer in the wee hours before dawn, nine years after that explosive day, wondering about the life I'm leading.  Do I have a purpose anymore? What is it that I really want to do with the remaining days, hours, and minutes of my life? Lately, I've had many reminders of how precious life is and how quickly it can be snatched away. I don't want to waste a second!
Which comes to my next question...What is it that will make me feel my life has been worth something?
These are questions not easily answered by me and no one else can answer them for me.

A Conundrum!

When I made the choice to leave California and totally change my life, I had great aspirations. BUT, as that old saying goes, "The best laid plans of mice and men, or in this case, woman..."
I swore I never wanted to commute again, and here I am, 3 years later, commuting 65 miles one way to a job, that on its best day, can claim to pay me a salary that covers my debts and allows me to live comfortably, plus the people I work with are decent human beings. I have enjoyed quite a lot of laughter in their company and maybe that's the one reason that keeps me coming back.
The down side is that I bought a 2008 Ford Escape Hybrid, which was supposed to last me a good 10 years, but can now boast 95,000 miles (all accumulated with me behind the wheel) and I have a job that gives me NO sense of satisfaction.  I create nothing, much less anything of beauty or lasting worth.

The home I've been renovating has turned into a beautiful Albatross. I couldn't sell it for what I have into it, especially in this economy, if my life depended on it.
On the bright side, the Albatross is beautiful and suits me. It is something that I have created, that I still take pride in, and it's still a work in progress.

I can't say how many times I've been told that I am a very lucky woman. Generally, this has been said by women that are unhappily married and financially stuck in the marriage because they don't work or the job they have wouldn't support them.  I don't envy them, but living single isn't always as glamorous as some people like to envision.

Well, since I can't solve all my questions tonight due to a tired brain (it's my Friday and putting in a 50 hour work week, add in 12.5 hours of commuting, really does me in), instead, I've decided to share how I plan to honor those that were lost during that infamous day, nine years ago.

I am going out and buying 4 trees to add to the beauty of my home.  I wish I could get them planted today, but that just isn't going to happen.  I'll be lucky to just get them picked out, paid for, and a future date set for planting.  I want a "Flame" Maple and another larger shade tree for the front yard and two colorful shade trees for the back yard .  With luck, they will provide shade and color for years to come.

So to honor the dead, I will promote life, beauty, and a positive impact on the environment. Beautiful life that continues long after I'm dead and gone.

I will never forget September 11, 2001.